Aur Revoir 2015! Hello 2016!

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Looking back in 2015, I believe has the been the most challenging year for our family so far! So much things had happened, so much hard works, so much frustration and so much heartache!

This year is our son faced his first public exams i.e. UPSR and PSRA. He has worked hard for it and we are so proud that he has improved a lot for the past years overcoming his weaknesses and tried to do the best for his study.  Kudos for you Ashraf!  We are so proud of you.  You can further improve your performance during high school.  In Sha Allah.

I was pregnant again! Our last attempt before I can finally stop my "production."  Such as a happy occasion suddenly was yanked from our hands.  During the scanning, doctor shown us the image of the fetus who has the right size for its age.  Happiness turn to sadness when the doctor told us that there is no heartbeat! We went for a second review and similar diagnosis.  What to do?   Should we just proceed with DnC or should the nature takes its own course?  Hoping for miracle, we decided to let it be, to wish that all its not true and that somehow, someday, there will be a heartbeat.  Life for me goes on as normal, driving, walking, train riding and walking again to work.  Somehow, those moment afterwards were full of trepidation.  What if I'm bleeding in the train or while walking or driving? What shall I do? Finally, we make the decision opting for DnC.  Around 3 am on 4th June, after induced, the bleeding flowed... so much blood everywhere and the procedure to clean the womb was so painful and heart breaking.  To loss a life that was never meant to be. Not the first time for such loss but it's the second time in two years.  Somehow, we were never meant to have another baby! 

Another stab to my heart! It was so painful to find out that things would never ever be as expected and that forever, you will be showered by love and affection by your love ones. When reality came and your dream was once again yanked! How do you dealt with it? How can you find a clean slate again and continued with your life?  How can you forgive people for the pain inside your heart? How can you heal your heart?

Alhamdulillah, despite all, I survived! I hope so! With my loved ones to support me and to hold my hands all the way.  To know despite anything, true love arise... I love you Ashraf Nuaim, I love you Afif Nuqman and I love you Alya Nur.  But above all, I love you so much, Rashidi Said, for being with me throughout the worst time and good time of my life.  I always be there for you! Never, ever take for granted loves and shows them how much you love them!

So for 2016, I'm focusing on love as aptly described by the song below. My fave song says it all.

"Like I'm Gonna Lose You"

I found myself dreaming
In silver and gold
Like a scene from a movie
That every broken heart knows we were walking on moonlight
And you pulled me close
Split second and you disappeared and then I was all alone

I woke up in tears
With you by my side
A breath of relief
And I realized
No, we're not promised tomorrow

So I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when
When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you

[John Legend:]
In the blink of an eye
Just a whisper of smoke
You could lose everything
The truth is you never know

So I'll kiss you longer baby
Any chance that I get
I'll make the most of the minutes and love with no regrets

Let's take our time
To say what we want
Use what we got
Before it's all gone
'Cause no, we're not promised tomorrow

[Both:]
So I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when
When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you

Hey
Whoa

I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when
When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love 
~yatiseman~

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